Jul 13, 2017

What I really want to say doesn’t sound that great out loud or on paper, but I’m too tired from caring for a newborn all day and now into the night to bother saying otherwise. The truth is, I feel small. 

Or maybe just not like the small business success I once was. And I honestly don’t even expect to be as instantly successful as I had been, but there’s no going back from tangible success. Once you know what it is to have the masses rush for what you’re offering, it will never not feel at least a little bit pathetic to try again and have it not be the same. Even if a smaller scale is what you planned for–what you want–there’s just no way not to remember what it felt like before. To be wanted, on a professional level. Of your own merits. To be in so much demand you can’t even keep up. And then, another day, not. 

I don’t want this to sound pitiful or pitiable. The changes I’m experiencing now are direct results of choices I made. Choices I stand by. To do my best even when no one would have cared or known or expected it. To seek out a right choice that I knew would bring hard change. 

Anyway, it’s been on my mind today. Not in a bad way. Just there. Just present. A reminder that I’m still the same me, still moving in this same body, but living out a different path than I used to be on. Same me, different experiences. 

I’m falling asleep as I write this and it’s time to go to bed. But I wanted to take the time to write this down. To be honest. And to hopefully look back on someday as an in-between place. An on-the-way. Part of the story to a better end or another path or some kind of even-better, made sweeter when I get there because of the honest humility I faced along the way.