Oct 31, 2017

I was going to say that I feel myself slipping away more and more each day with three kids now, but the truth is, I’m still here, still me. It’s my self importance I feel slipping away more and more. Not that I’m becoming less vain and ambitious, but I just can’t keep up right now with things I used to do. I’m genuinely too busy juggling all three kids and their various schedules and needs to get together with other people as often as I used to. And I love making things and sharing about them and selling them and I still very much like and want to do that, but my reality right now is that I only get a few hours each night when I could work on things and, more often than not, those are also the only hours during the day I get to see and talk to my husband one on one without constant interruptions and it’s hard to want to go work on things during that precious quiet time. Not to mention I’m just plain worn out by then and need time to recoup and decompress before going to bed and starting the whole thing over again. I still have ambition, I’m just slowly learning that being the matriarch of our family of five is a full time job and there just isn’t time for much else right now. And I keep recognizing over and over again lately that these really are the glory days when our kids are little and we’re living our future memories in real time. Trick-or-treating with the kids while they’re all still young enough to be cute and polite and genuinely spooked by decorations. Walks in the stroller. Playing at the park. Learning to ride a bike. These are the days. Arguably the most important years of my most important job. Even if they’re also the most grueling and least glamorous.