Head Cold

Dec 20, 2017

Coming down with a cold

Feeling a little bit dead

Moving along but I’m tired

Maybe it’s all in my head

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Goals for this afternoon & evening

Dec 19, 2017

  • Finish inlaw gift
  • Wrap all gifts left in the house
  • Be on time to preschool Christmas program
  • Start sugar cookie dough
  • Figure out 1st Christmas ornament for youngest
  • Sew kitties for my own kids’ stockings
  • Get to bed by midnight

Embracing the Smallness

Dec 18, 2017

There have been times

When I fully embraced it

Perhaps unaware of

The smallness to it

And times when I felt big

And important

And above it

But the truth is

It’s at the heart of me somehow

I was back at it tonight

Embracing the smallness

And I hope I’ll never kid myself again

That I’m above it

Those quirky little

Labor intensive

Detail-oriented

Cheesy heartfelt

Heirloom

Handmade

Felt ornaments

Trying

Dec 17, 2017

I’ve been tired for several days

Going down too late

Waking up too early

Sealing my own fate

I’ve been hungry too often

And get still gaining weight

Eating, eating, hungry still

Taking all the bait

Trying to break that cycle

Trying to kick the guilt

Trying to change my habits

Changing how I’m built

The ways that I remember Freddy’s

Dec 16, 2017

The old days when we were little kids and there was a bakery in the middle of the store across the aisle from the peanut butter.

When the shoe section was where the electronics would later be. There was a wall with Saltwater Sandals that one of my best friends always wore and the display where I got my jelly shoes, the old kind that made you feel like a princess even though your feet were sweaty. This was when, every summer, down the center aisle of the store as you passed the show section they’d have all the displays of rainbow flip flops with red, yellow, and orange stripes and the black sole. Only back then everybody called them thongs, which later made us giggle.

When my mom was in college and would take us to the store give each of us part of the list while she’d sit at a table in the deli/cafe to study. We’d go off and find our things and bring them back to her and then I guess we’d get it all together and go pay, but I don’t remember that. I just remember walking away from those little circle tables with my part of the list (or maybe with a sibling since I was the littlest) and feeling like I owned the place.

My whole life when, if you went to Freddy’s with Mom, you got a candy bar at the end. They used to only be thirty cents. She always got Mr. Goodbar.

When I was in high school and my friends and I had nothing better to do, so we’d go in the summer and wander around the store and spend a while laying on the porch swings. That was when Dan and Eric and even Ruben for a while worked there as cart pushers, wearing their black Freddy’s polos and orange safety vests and collecting the carts all over the parking lots. When it rained they wore hoodies and got wet and still preferred it to working the cash registers.

That one time I went home to visit that I think of as recently, but couldn’t have been because I went in to buy baby food for my daughter who’s eight years old now. Everything was different in a way I didn’t like and it felt strange picking out tiny little jars in a new health food section where some of the registers used to be.

The thought that counts

Dec 15, 2017

I often imagine my husband

Doing all the things I hate

Waking up kids from naps for after school pick up

Everyone crying

Nursing bras that fit wrong

And you have to sleep in them anyway

Pantyhose

Pregnancy

And while I’ve no desire

To live my fair share of his equivalent

There’s something satisfying

Albeit cynical

In the thought

Christmas break

Dec 14, 2017

Tonight I listed 45 kitties for sale in the shop and now before I’m headed to bed there are only 4 left. It has been such a joy to make them. I can’t even tell you what it’s meant to me. And I’m already planning to make more in the new year, but for now I’m soaking in focusing on Christmas with my family. Tonight I stayed up late writing Christmas cards and, as I did, I thought about what a blessing it is to be able to work and how it makes taking a break that much more special. And earlier today when my oldest was home sick from school I reflected on what a gift it is to be able to work from home on my own schedule. This work is such a gift to me personally and I’m so grateful for it and excited for some plans I have in the new year. But for now, shipping out orders and then, sugar cookies.

In The Water

Dec 13, 2017

Thinking about success

Not so much as a landing place

There is no residence there

Only thrilling waves to ride

And then back in the water

Always, always

In the water

Next batch

Dec 11, 2017

I’m busily working away at the final batch of kitties for this year. They all have beds and blankets, all they need now is their books (and name cards and to be photographed and listed in the shop, but who’s counting?). I’ll keep making more in January, but the Christmas shipping deadlines are fast approaching and in my experience hardly anyone shops online for a few weeks after Christmas anyway, so I’m going to finish this batch and then take advantage of the next couple weeks to finish Christmas gifts, spend lots of time together as a family, and do some behind the scenes prep work for some fun projects I want to introduce in 2018.

It’s both ironic and not at all surprising that the more I’ve been working and creating, the less I’ve been on Instagram or on my phone in general (unless you count listening to podcasts, because I’ve been doing that quite a bit while I work). I love Instagram and keeping in touch with people in general, but it’s also been really nice to disconnect in that way and enjoy the feeling of actually being productive.

Of course, on the flip side of that is the fact that I wouldn’t even be able to have a way to share my work if it weren’t for Instagram. I’m just so grateful for both. Both the opportunity to work and then also to share it with others and share in what others are working on too.

I suppose no two Instagram feeds are the same, but I’ve been really fortunate to surround myself with people I really enjoy and admire and who’s positive attitudes and message are usually pretty uplifting and encouraging.

Anyway, it’s late and I’m rambly, but I’m excited to share more kitties later this week and I’m really grateful for the opportunities I’ve had lately to work hard at something I love and then send that love forward. The product is kitties, but the message is joy.