Housekeeping

Apr 18, 2017

The main things that have been holding me back from moving forward with publishing my quiet page patterns are: getting the legal/business side of things set up and compiling all of the individual files into one master file so I can convert it to a PDF. Neither of those things sound/are very fun or exciting, which is part of why I’ve been putting them off for so long.  Continue reading

You can take my money but you can’t take me

Apr 17, 2017

I once lived in a house that had a leak. A leak which seeped down through the floor, down to the ceiling below, down to the bathroom in the basement. We told our landlord. Nothing. Days, weeks went by. Nothing. Mold started to grow. As renters there was little we could do. Until one day we went down to the basement and realized that the mold had spread. The tile floor was wet from it growing. The walls were covered in tiny dots of black. We pulled our things from the walls only to discover that most of our belongings had been ruined. It was panic-ridden and disgusting. All we could think about was to get out. OUT.  Continue reading

Looking forward // Embracing now

Apr 16, 2017

As a general rule I really try to enjoy the here and now, but I admit that I’ve caught myself daydreaming about the future several times lately. Sometimes just about a few months from now when I’m done being pregnant and we hopefully have a healthy baby boy and have hopefully moved out of our rental and bought our new house and are starting to feel more settled. In these instances I most often picture myself wearing our little baby boy in our solly baby wrap while I do normal things like cook dinner and play with the older kids. Or if I’m really going for it I picture us out at a museum or something.  Continue reading

Yet another

Apr 14, 2017

I feel torn over what to write about. Today had a variety of things I was happy and grateful for and frustrating things that left me exhausted. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about writing in a 10 year journal, it’s that recording all that bad stuff can mean revisiting it over and over instead of just naturally forgetting about it and moving on. With some things I really do think that’s the best approach. But then other times I feel like by completely ignoring or not recording the bad or frustrating or disappointing things that happen we shortchanged ourselves and our story. And especially with social media and public blogs I think there has to be a balance between healthy optimism with genuine joy and taking time to acknowledge the not-perfect things in a way that doesn’t leave others feeling like they’re somehow failing if they’re not always chipper. 

I’m conscious of all this as I write for a public audience. In fact, I think about it a lot. So I guess I give that disclaimer here to say, I’m a real person. Life comes at me the same speed as everyone else and some days I can keep up and some days it wears me down. But I think there’s beauty and value in both and in sharing both. 

Today’s routine prenatal doctor visit was yet another disappointment in what’s sadly becoming a bit of a pattern. 

Bryan’s never been able to go with me to an appointment, so I was especially grateful to his mom for watching the kids so Bryan could go with me today. Mostly I was just looking forward to his company, but afterward I was grateful to have another person in the room to witness how rushed the doctor was, how little she considered me as a person and more as a row of blood sugar numbers, and just in general how poorly she handled some basic things. It was valuable and validating for me as a human being who’s been to an unfortunate number of disappointing and contradictory doctor visits lately to get to make the drive home with someone who knew I wasn’t making up or exaggerating how ridiculous some of these experiences have been.

Nothing terrible or life-altering happened, but it’s just the little things that pile up.  I left my appointment today ready to at least look to see if I can find a different office who handles things better and treats their patients better. Like, I feel like I could stay and be fine, but I also know I’ve had better doctors and better care and even just better administrative staff in the past, all of which really made a big difference in my own personal experience. 

Sigh. 

On the other hand I’m just so tired of even thinking about all this stuff. There are so many better, more interesting things to do with my time and mental energy. 

Anyway, it’s late and I’m really tired. Hoping things get better. And also trying to mentally walk myself through doing the things I need to do (at this office or any other) to speak up more while I’m in the room and ask for better care. Today was yet another learning experience. 

The start of staging

Apr 12, 2017

Our landlord wants to start showing our townhouse to new renters starting this weekend, so we’ve been busy working to clean and tidy and put a bunch of stuff away to make it look nicer. Mostly I don’t mind because it’s all stuff we’re going to have to do eventually anyway and it’s a good motivation to get started on some packing and sorting.  Continue reading