Apr 16, 2017
As a general rule I really try to enjoy the here and now, but I admit that I’ve caught myself daydreaming about the future several times lately. Sometimes just about a few months from now when I’m done being pregnant and we hopefully have a healthy baby boy and have hopefully moved out of our rental and bought our new house and are starting to feel more settled. In these instances I most often picture myself wearing our little baby boy in our solly baby wrap while I do normal things like cook dinner and play with the older kids. Or if I’m really going for it I picture us out at a museum or something.
That being said, I do want to remember how sweet the kids were as they followed the clues to their Easter baskets this morning. Or the way Felix snuggled his new bunny stuffed animal the entire time we were in the car today. Or how cute both kids were in their little Easter outfits, Olivia in her new skirt and shirt she got in her basket and the way both fit her so well and just looked simultaneously adorable and grown up on her and Felix in his little white button-up shirt with his shorts and the new bowtie he got in his own basket and his pudgy little toddler toes showing through his flip flops. Or the quiet moment of painting Olivia’s nails to match her new skirt. Or watching the kids play with their new bubble toys, especially how sweet Olivia was to share hers with her little brother when his stopped working.
Life is such a balance of enjoying the now and looking to the future. And so often it’s hard not to get swept up in all the things that get thrown at us. We had our share of that today too and even in the moment I felt almost as frustrated about the day ending that way as I did about the thing happening at all. I really do just want to savor this time with my kids and my husband, and even this time being pregnant, crazy as that sounds. I’ve been failing a lot lately at having any semblance of patience, but (believe it or not) also trying really hard to choose to have a positive attitude and assume the best of people regardless of my circumstances. I’m afraid I’m mostly failing at that too, but I like to think that even wanting to be better is somehow a step in the right direction.
Anyway, here’s to hoping that everything goes through with our house, that our days left dealing with our current landlord are very very limited, that our baby boy continues to grow and develop just as he should and that he and I will both be healthy while I’m still pregnant with him as well as after he’s born, that I’ll have the energy to be a good mom to my children, that I’ll have a bazillion percent more patience than I’ve had lately, and that the coming days and weeks and months ahead bring less crazy frustrating disheartening things and more unexpected surprises of the wonderful and happy kind that restore your faith in humanity and leave you smiling and ready to surprise someone else with something good. I had one of those today too and I’ve got to tell you, it really makes a difference.
2 thoughts on “Looking forward // Embracing now”
I don’t have anything special to say, just wanted to reach out and thank you for putting yourself out there and being real and vulnerable. It’s brave and admirable. And I really enjoy seeing your updates in my inbox every day. Carry on, carry on, carry on!
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crossing all my fingers about the house and imagining all of the choice insults i would like to give your landlord. and you will have more energy and patience! i just remembered the first time i walked up the stairs after i had esther –– i expected to trudge under the weight of an anvil as usual, but instead felt 300 lbs lighter (would have run up, but ya know, 3 days postpartum). pregnancy is t-u-f-f.