Mar 25

Dear insurance provider,

Please add this list to the things included in my prenatal care:

• haircuts and dye/highlights and styling as often as wanted/needed to not feel like a dishcloth
• leg waxing because shaving at 25+ weeks is legit way too much work
• a few hours of free babysitting to look forward to every week
• manicures and pedicures anytime I want, but especially the pedicures cuz I really can’t bend in half anymore
• unlimited massages
• one of those grabby reachy tool things so I can pick stuff up without bending over
• a comfortable alternative to bras
• a live-in cook and housekeeper
• a chauffeur
• a hot tub size pool/bath I can just sit in all the time

The free pregnancy book you gave me at my first visit was nice and all, but I kinda already knew all that stuff and I think these things would contribute a billion times more to my mental and physical health.

Sincerely,

Me